


Lameness

by QueenieLacy



Category: Mindhunter (TV 2017)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Cuddling & Snuggling, Custody Issues, Daddy Kink, Erectile Dysfunction, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Loss of confidence, M/M, Medical Conditions, Mentions Prescription Drug Use, Nancy is a bit of an asshole, Oral Sex, Overstimulation, Takes place about 10 years after episode 1, Teenage Brian, Therapy, Unfortunately Viagara hasn’t been invented, mentions of bondage, so about 1987/1988, supportive spouse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 08:01:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26469847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenieLacy/pseuds/QueenieLacy
Summary: Being fourteen years older than Holden had never been a problem in their relationship. Bill honestly hadn’t given it that much thought. Since his army days his lover had always been a bit younger, but his body was betraying him now. This wasn’t the first time he’d failed to get an erection. It’d been happening more and more recently, and it was worrying.OR,Bill can’t get it up and Holden recommends that he see someone about it. This sets off a series of events that bring many situations into focus including his relationship with his son and ex-wife.
Relationships: Holden Ford/Bill Tench, Wendy Carr/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 54





	Lameness

**Author's Note:**

> So I only meant for this to be 3-5k silly/fluffy/smutty fic about Bill not being able to get it up but it spiraled out of control. I hope you enjoy it.

“Damnit.” Bill swore under his breath. He rolled away from his lover and swung his legs over the edge to sit up, putting his face in his hands. Bill’s elbows rested on his knees as he rubbed his face in disbelief.

Holden propped himself up with one hand and used the other to wipe the saliva from his mouth. “Bill…” Holden said softly and reached out to touch his lover’s back, only to frown when Bill shrugged away. He watched Bill get up and walk to their master bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him. Holden let out a sigh before flopping down onto his back. He wished Bill wouldn’t shut him out like this.

Being fourteen years older than Holden had never been a problem in their relationship. Bill honestly hadn’t given it that much thought. Since his army days, his lover had always been a bit younger. Nancy was five years younger than him. What was another nine years? 

Bill had always been in great physical shape. The military and then the FBI demanded it. This meant he could always keep up with Holden. In some ways, his conditioning was superior to the younger man’s. He wasn’t as picky as Holden about what he ate, but he still took good care of himself.

So...why was his body betraying him now? This wasn’t the first time he’d failed to get an erection. It’d been happening more and more recently. He was in his mid-fifties now, but he didn’t have the body or the mentality of a 55 year old man. Bill guessed he would be in his sixties before his body began to break down. 

Bill sat on the edge of the bathtub and stared at his soft, limp penis. Holden tried his best, but he just wasn’t getting hard. He didn’t understand it because Holden’s mouth felt so good wrapped around his cock, and he definitely wanted to fuck his tight little hole. His sorry excuse for a cock just wasn’t cooperating.

“You need to get your shit together.” Bill whispered to his flaccid penis. He then shook his head. He couldn’t believe he was giving his dick a pep talk. This is what he’d been reduced to. 

“Bill.” He looked toward the door when he heard Holden’s voice come from the other side. “I know you don’t want to talk about it, and that’s fine...but I really have to pee so can you open the door?” Holden asked, causing Bill to smile. Holden had that ability to make him smile no matter what. Bill stood up and made his way over to the door, unlocking it and turning the handle. Before he could open it all the way, Holden pushed hard and the door flew open. Bill was about to make a joke about Holden being Superman when he felt arms wrap around his torso. Holden hugged Bill, pulling him close and squeezing him. “I love you.” Holden confessed and Bill didn’t know how badly he needed to hear that until now.

“I love you too.” He replied as Holden started to pull away.

“Now, move. I really do have to pee.” Bill laughed as Holden pushed past him and ran to the toilet. He left Holden to do his business and walked back into the bedroom. He picked up a pair of shorts to put on before going back to the bed. He laid down the mattress and closed his eyes. He soon felt the mattress dip as Holden laid next to him. 

“Bill.” Holden called out.

“Hm?”

“I really think you should go to the doctor.” Holden suggested. 

“We’re not talking about this.” Bill responded, eyes still closed.

“Fine.” Holden relented. “Just listen to me then.” He quickly added and Bill groaned as he rolled onto his side, his back to Holden. He thought his lover might get the hint but that wasn’t the case. 

“I only want what’s best for you and I wouldn’t be suggesting this if I didn’t think it was needed.” Holden started. “But erectile dysfunction can be a sign of something more serious. Diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer…” Holden trailed off, leaving the big c-word hanging in the air like fog on an autumn morning. It had clouded Holden’s mind and Bill knew his lover wouldn’t rest until he knew Bill was healthy.

Bill sighed heavily. “I’ll make an appointment, tomorrow.” He gave in. Bill felt movement on the bed and soon felt Holden’s chest against his back, his arms around Bill’s waist.

“Thank you.” Holden pressed a kiss to Bill’s cheek. Bill just grumbled as he pulled the covers over his body. “Fucking doctors...” He swore. “You’re lucky I love you. You know that right?” 

Holden smiled against Bill’s shoulder. “I know.” He answered. “And I love you too. You know that right?” Bill’s lips curled up into a smile as Holden snuggled closer to him.

“Yeah, I know...I know.”

* * *

Bill would do just about anything to not be at his doctor’s office right now. 

While at the FBI office, he continued to look at his phone. He thought if he looked at his desk phone long and hard enough he could will it to ring, but that wasn’t the case. It was a rather slow day for them, a day to catch up on paperwork and write long overdue reports for the higher ups to read and pretend to understand. There wasn’t a big case or an emergency situation that he was needed for so when three o’clock rolled around, Bill was able to leave his office without protest from his colleague. He left the office without a word to the others, even when Gregg asked him a stupid question as he walked out of the door. 

He felt annoyed by the whole ordeal, but the drive over to the doctor’s office just irritated him more. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, he could see blue for miles, and there was almost no traffic as he turned onto the highway. This should have been the beginning of rush hour, stressed individuals trying to pick-up their children and get home in one piece. The highways were clear for Bill. “Thank fuck for that…” Bill spat as he lit up a cigarette. Despite leaving a bit late, Bill would get to the office on time due to the lack of traffic. He was hoping he’d be late, so late that his appointment would have to be rescheduled, but unluckiness was not on his side today. 

The registration and intake process was relatively painless. The lady at the front desk was nice and the nurse that took his vitals was quite bubbly. When Bill awkwardly and painfully tried to explain his reason for his visit, without actually saying the words, the nurse stopped him mid-explanation and said she understood what he was trying to say. She must have a lot of patients in his situation, or she was just used to people awkwardly explaining their medical worries. She explained that the doctor would be in shortly before leaving Bill alone with his thoughts, thinking of all of things he’d rather do. 

At this point, he’d rather be thrown in a room with Ed Kemper and have a fight to the death. Ever since he brought Holden home after his incident with Kemper, Bill had been dreaming up ways to inflict pain on that son of a bitch. On second thought, being in a room with Ed Kemper may be too much fun for him. What else would he rather do that would be awful for him?

Bill isn’t able to come up with another situation because the door opened and the doctor walked in. They shared a nice greeting before the doctor jumped right into business. “I’m sure you know that it’s normal for men your age to start having some problems in the bedroom.” He began to explain. “But I want to do a full work-up on you. Your blood pressure is a little high.”

“I work at the FBI, doc. My blood pressure is always high.” Bill joked. 

“I understand that.” The doctor chuckled. “You’re also a smoker. Smoking can weaken veins and arteries causing poor blood circulation. Poor blood circulation means you’re not getting the blood to where you need it at that moment.” He explained. “You don’t have to completely stop, but try to cut back.” Bill just nodded along to his various suggestions, only partially listening for the rest of the conversation. He then had a full exam, blood drawn, and a chest x-ray since he smoked. 

When everything was completed, Bill all but ran out of the doctor’s office and quickly got into his car. He started the engine before grabbing at his box of cigarettes. He pulled one out, but stopped short of putting it to his mouth. He stared at the white stick in his hands and remembered what the doctor said. Bill sighed and returned the cigarette to the box before placing the box in his pocket. The things you do for love.

While Bill was at his appointment, Holden decided to do some research on Bill’s condition. It wasn’t only affecting his penis. Despite erectile dysfunction being a normal occurrence in men over 50, Bill was taking it harder than Holden anticipated. Bill was a scientist, a level headed man, someone who used logic and reasoning in his everyday life. He had to have known this would happen one day, but maybe he just wasn’t prepared for it. Holden didn’t know, but he was tired of Bill moping around the house and snapping on the interns when they asked simple questions. He had to fix this.

Holden made his way through the library and grabbed a few medical books. He cracked them open and began to skim the pages related to Bill’s issue. They all basically said the same thing: erectile dysfunction was common for men over 50. The books also listed a number of physical causes of the disease. Holden grimaced at the list. They were mostly serious issues that Holden chose to skip reading about out of fear. He didn’t want to imagine Bill being that sick. Holden would talk to Bill about using less cigarettes and sleeping a few more hours a night.

He also learned that there were psychological causes that could keep a man from getting an erection. Depression, anxiety, guilt, fear and stress could have a role in Bill’s issue. Holden knew Bill wasn’t depressed. As a person with an anxiety issue, he would like to think he would be able to point out anxiety in his lover. Their job could lead them to feel guilt, fear, or stress and sometimes they would feel them all at once. The job never seemed to bother Bill before. He was much better than Holden at leaving his work at work. He rarely let it affect him. It had to be something in his personal life.

Holden bit his lip as he thought about Nancy and Brian. 

Brian was older now, and he thought he'd outgrown his mother. Brian wanted to live with Bill, and Bill would love that, but it would mean that they would have to sleep in separate bedrooms or Holden would have to move out. They talked about converting the office into a bedroom, but the discussion was left open for another day. No one knew about their relationship, though he suspected Wendy knew and respected them enough to not ask questions, so they obviously couldn’t sleep in the same room or act like a couple if someone was living with them. They couldn’t be sure Brian was coming to live with them yet. Brian and Bill still had to fully convince Nancy. 

Holden closed the book with a loud thump. All of this had to be psychological. “Shit.” Holden whispered to himself. How was he going to convince Bill to see a shrink?

* * *

“Bill?” Holden called out as he entered their home.

“Yeah, in here!”

Holden closed the front door and made his way into the house, following Bill’s voice into the living room. “Hey, I hope you didn’t cook because I bought Chinese on the way home.” He said before kissing Bill.

“No, I didn’t cook.” He’d been too busy trying not to smoke. “This is great. I’ll get some plates.” Bill took the brown paper bag filled with food from Holden and placed it on the table.

“I’m going to change.” Holden disappeared down the hall to change out of his suit. Bill grabbed plates and silverware, because he couldn’t stand chopsticks, and went back into the living room. He was fixing their plates when Holden returned in sweat pants and a T-shirt.

“Thanks.” Holden said as he took the plate Bill made for him.

“How was work after I left?” Bill asked.

“Fine, boring.” Holden answered. “But the atmosphere in the basement was much better since the interns stopped shaking with fear after you left.” Holden joked. Bill just rolled his eyes.

“If they can’t handle me, they won’t make it when they leave the basement.” Bill explained in between bites of rice.

“How was your appointment?” Holden asked. “Are you okay?”

Bill nodded. “Yeah, the doctor did a full exam and took blood but he thinks it's just my age finally catching up with me.” He sighed. “I’m officially an old man now.”

“I like my men old.” Holden winked and that made Bill smirk. 

A comfortable silence passed between them as they ate and watched the nightly news on the television set. After a few minutes, Holden finished his dinner and placed his plate on the table.

“Have you considered that this may all be psychological?” Holden decided it would be better to ease into the topic instead of springing it on Bill.

“What? Psychological?” Bill asked and started to reach for his pack of smokes. “I’m not fucking crazy.” 

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.” Holden said as he watched Bill’s lips curl into a smirk. “I’m talking about stress. Stress can do weird things to the body. You remember when Gregg had that bad heartburn and chest pain for a month leading up to his review?”

“Okay.” Bill shrugged. Holden did have a point and he would give him that. “But what exactly am I stressed about? Outside of the fact that I can’t get it up.” Bill asked as he picked up the pack. He pulled one cigarette out and placed it between his lips. 

Holden shrugged as if he hadn’t spent the last few hours in the library thinking about this. “...Our job can be stressful...and Brian wants to live full time with you. That’s a major life event.”

Bill thought about what Holden said. The job wasn’t an issue for him. He could count on one hand how many times he’d been affected enough to let it spill into his personal life. The living situation with Nancy and Brian was an issue. Nancy wasn’t completely sold on the idea. He could take her to court but if they went to court, he was sure to lose. The courts always sided with the mother. It was an issue, but Bill didn’t think it was stressful enough to make his dick useless. “I don’t think I’m under that much stress.” Bill shrugged and Holden nodded. He would have to convince Bill in another way.

“Are you going to light that?” Holden questioned as he watched the cigarette dangle from Bill’s lips.

“I really want to.” Bill answered honestly. He was really craving his nicotine fix. “But I can’t.” He’d already had one earlier and he needed to wait at least one more hour to have another. “Trying to improve my blood flow.”

“Ah..” Holden realized Bill’s motives. “Don’t improve it too much.” Holden grabbed the plates from the table. “I have to continue to be the smart one in this relationship.” 

“You think you’re the smart one in this relationship?” Bill smirked. “How cute.”

* * *

Bill may have to admit that Holden was on to something. Physically, there wasn’t anything wrong with him. His high blood pressure on the day of the visit was attributed to his nervousness since every reading since had been normal. Bill thought this was going to be a victory for him, to be declared physically healthy, but Bill felt a bit of disappointment. If it was a physical issue it could be easily fixed with a pill, or some other treatment, and his issue wouldn’t be his fault.

A psychological issue meant he let something fuck him up so much that it rendered his dick useless. It meant that he was going to have to figure out what was causing this and fix it, or learn to deal with it. It meant that he couldn’t fix this on his own. It meant...he was going to need a shrink.

Bill understood the importance of psychologists and therapists in society. Hell, if everyone had access to one, his job probably wouldn’t exist. He respects the profession, but that didn’t mean he wanted to sit across from one and spill his guts. 

He had to talk to the FBI psychologist once a year for their recertification. The appointment normally didn’t last 10 minutes. He answered all the questions that were asked, signed the paperwork and promptly left the office. This would be different. This wasn’t a government-issued formality and Bill wouldn’t be able to get away with one word answers. He was going to have to take a deep dive into his mind and be uncomfortable. 

He already hated this bullshit. 

That didn’t stop him from asking Wendy if she knew anyone in the area. He was glad Wendy didn’t ask why he needed the information. She just grabbed a pen and pad to write down the name of a psychologist. Wendy said they attended the same graduate school back in the day and became good friends. Wendy admitted to using her services in the past and said she was great. 

Bill took the information and waited two days before calling the office and making an appointment. 

Initially, he wasn’t going to tell Holden about it but he realized the younger agent would wonder why he was getting home late. That wasn’t a problem he needed, so he swallowed his pride and told Holden about the appointment. Holden hugged him and said this would be good for him. Bill could only hope.

His appointment rolled around and Bill went straight from work to the office. It was a quick drive, so at least there was that. Bill went inside and checked in with the older lady sitting at the front desk. She picked up her desk phone and called what Bill assumed was the doctor. The conversation was short and the receptionist said the doctor would get him shortly. He nodded, thanked her, and went to take a seat. Before he could take a seat, an office door opened and the doctor stepped out.

“Hi, Mr. Tench, I’m Dr. Perry. It’s nice to meet you.” She held her hand out and Bill shook it. The doctor was an African American woman, slender build but shapely. Despite her business attire, he could still see some curves. Bill reasoned she was around the same age as Wendy since they went to school together, but she looked much younger than what she was. Her hair fell just past her shoulders and was loosely curled. She wore natural makeup but a vibrant red lip color. Her smile was bright and genuine, and Bill could already tell he was going to like her.

“It’s nice to meet you as well.” Bill said as they shook hands. “Please call me Bill.”

She nodded. “Then please call me Nicole or Nikki. Dr. Perry makes me sound like a pretentious bitch.” She whispered that last part to Bill. “Come this way.”

Bill chuckled and followed Dr. Perry into her office. He was definitely going to like her.

Nicole closed the door and told Bill to have a seat in whichever place. She asked if he would like anything to drink and he declined. Bill chose to sit in a chair instead of on the couch. That was just too stereotypical. Nicole sat across from him with just a coffee table between them. Bill felt as if it were a shield. Distance meant she wouldn’t be able to figure him out, right? 

Nicole explained how therapy would work, giving the legal disclaimers that Bill already knew about, and giving her some basic demographic information before starting. “Let’s start with why you decided to see me. There are FBI Psychologists that you have access to, free of charge.” She explained.

Bill nodded. “This is...the reason I decided to see someone is embarrassing for me. I don’t know you and, after today, I never have to come back. There’s less worry about what I can reveal here.” Bill explained and Nicole nodded. “And the psychologists at the bureau aren’t really equipped for this kind of thing. It’s a personal issue. They handle issues pertaining to the job mostly.”

“I understand.” Nikki nodded. “There’s a comfort level here that you can’t get at the FBI. I want you to be completely comfortable here. I know that this is our first session, and you aren’t there yet, but there’s no judgement here. What you say here, stays here...I know what to write down, and my pen can suddenly run out of ink.” She explained and Bill smirked.

“I’m not your first FBI agent, am I?” Bill asked

“No, you’re the first from the FBI.” Nicole answered. “But you’re not my first government employee.” She answered. “Now, back to you. Why did you decide to come today? You said this situation is embarrassing for you, so why talk to anyone about it?”

Bill laughed nervously. “Yeah...I’m having issues...in the bedroom. I can’t...you know.” He said and Nicole nodded. “And I’m physically healthy, so it may be mental.”

“Have you considered this may be the natural progression of your aging process?” She asked and he nodded. 

“Yes and no.” He answered. “I know it’s normal, but I also don’t think this is natural. With a natural progression, it would be more gradual and not a hard stop.”

“You haven’t been able to get an erection at all?” Nicole asked and Bill nodded. “That would hint more towards a psychological issue. What are your stressors?”

Bill chuckled. “Stressors?” The word made him think of all of the serial killers that he’d interviewed over the years. Once they were back in the basement, he’d dissect the interview in an attempt to find their stressors, among other things. Nicole was doing the same except she had to do it in real time. 

“I told you I was divorced.” Bill started and Nicole nodded. “Well, I’ve been seeing someone. Actually, I’ve been in a relationship with them for 6 years.” Bill explained. “And I’m stressed that I can't please them sexually.” He let out a nervous laugh.

“Is sex very important to them?” Nicole asked. “Have they said anything negative or made you feel inadequate because of your problem.” She added and Bill shook his head. 

“No, they’ve been great. They were the first to suggest that I talk to someone. They also said I should see a doctor to get a check-up too.” Bill explained. 

“It sounds like they just want the best for you.” Nicole said as she wrote on her writing pad. “It doesn’t seem like they’re pressuring you for sex or making you feel bad.” Nicole added. “This isn’t the original stressor that caused your impotence but I do think it will hamper any healing, so to speak, so we need to address it. You mentioned this stressor first. Why was this the first stressor you mentioned? It’s obviously very important to you but I think there’s more to it.”

Bill sighed. “Can I smoke?” He asked. He couldn’t do this without his tobacco fix.

“Go ahead.” Nicole gestured to the ashtray on the coffee table. Bill pulled his box of cigarette from his pocket and pulled one out. He placed it between his lips before returning the box to his pocket and grabbing his lighter. He lit up and closed his eyes as he took the first drag. It was just what he needed. He opened his eyes and blew out the smoke as he put the cigarette between his fingers. He could see Nicole starting at him, her eyes going from the cigarette then back to Bill’s face.

“I’m trying to limit my smoking.” He explained and she nodded. Bill took another drag before speaking. “The person I’m seeing is younger than me.”

“How much younger?” Nicole asked.

“Fourteen years.” Bill answered.

“That’s a bit of an age gap, but it’s nothing too significant.” Nicole added.

“Well…” Bill took another drag of his cigarette. “They’re younger and very attractive. They have genius level intellect, and they could have anyone in the world. Every time we go anywhere, there’s always at least one person looking and trying to flirt with them. They’re oblivious to it but...” Bill stopped to take another drag and then flicked the ashes into the ashtray. 

“I’m no catch. I have the baggage of a divorce and a kid. I know I can be argumentative and set in my ways. I’m not always the easiest person to get along with. I don’t have much to give in the relationship.” Bill sighed and scratched his eyebrow. “I don’t mean to sound obnoxious, or like I’m bragging, but I’m well-endowed and I’m good in the bedroom. I could always count on that. I could keep them...pleased.” He explained. 

“You think you only bring sex into the relationship and now that you can’t, you feel there’s no reason for your significant other to stay with you.” Nicole diagnosed and Bill threw his finished cigarette bud in the ashtray. 

“Stupid, ain’t it?” Bill sat back in his chair and looked at Nicole. She shook her head.

“No, it’s a real concern.” Nicole validated him. “But I want to challenge it. You’ve been dealing with impotence for a while now, correct?” She asked and Bill nodded. “If your significant other only wanted you for sex, they would have left by now. They think you bring at least one other thing to the relationship.” She explained and Bill let out a chuckle.

“Whatever you say, doc.” 

Nicole raised her eyebrows at his response. That was something they definitely needed to work on, but she wanted to move on to what was most important to Bill. “Also, there are more ways to satisfy your partner than just penetrative sex.” She added and watched Bill lean forward in interest. “There’s oral sex, fingering, toys-.”

“I understand that. I’m not a virgin.” Bill answered quickly. “I just…” Bill sighed. “I feel like if I start something, they’ll expect...you know…”

“You said they know about your impotence, so they shouldn’t expect you to penetrate them.” Nicole reasoned. 

“What if they don’t want to?” Bill questioned. “What if they don’t want a broken body to lay with?”

“That doesn’t seem like your partner’s personality.” Nicole answered. “I’m sure they’d be happy with any affection you showed them. Have you touched them intimately since your problem started? Cuddled? Held hands? A long hug? A deep kiss?”

Bill shook his head. “No.”

Nicole nodded. “Your homework is to be intimate with your partner. Don’t focus on your impotence, focus on your partner’s pleasure. Your partner seems to be too nice to complain, but they’re missing the intimacy from you.” Nicole explained. “I also want you to figure out some of your worries. We often don’t realize we’re worried about something until we stop and think about it.” Nicole looked at the clock and sighed. “Unfortunately, we’re out of time. Sometimes I can go over, but I have another client coming in after you.”

Bill nodded. “I understand.” They rose from their seats and Nicole walked him to the door.

“I’m so glad you came to me.” Nicole said to Bill as they walked to the front desk. 

“I’m glad I came.” Bill admitted and Nicole smiled. 

Bill had his next appointment scheduled before bidding Nicole farewell and leaving the office.

* * *

“Hey, you’re home!” A slightly anxious Holden exclaimed upon seeing Bill standing in the kitchen doorway. He went over to Bill and cupped his face before kissing him. “How was it? Are you okay? Did they make you do anything that made you uncomfortable? Did you like the doctor? Was the doctor professional? Did it seem like they knew what they were doing? Should we tell Wendy the doctor is a quack? I ca-.”

Bill cut Holden off with another short kiss. It was his turn to cup Holden’s face and ask a question. “Should I get your Valium?” He asked and Holden quickly shook his head. 

“No, I’m just worried about you and the appointment.” Holden explained. “You came back in an okay mood so that’s a good sign.” Holden could feel his anxiety starting to slip away. 

“It went fine.” Bill shrugged. “She was nice, understanding.”

“Good, good.” Holden nodded. “Are you going back?” He asked. Despite the doctor being nice, he could see Bill being one and done. 

Bill nodded. “Going back next week.” He said and moved out of Holden’s space. “You cooked?”

“Yeah, thought you might need some comfort food and I needed to do something with this nervous energy.” Holden explained. “I already ate so eat as much as you want.” Holden slowly came up behind Bill as the other man fixed his plate. “And if you want to decompress or discuss anything that happened at the session-.”

“I’m not telling you what I told the doctor.” Bill interrupted Holden before he finished that thought.

“Oh, yeah, yeah. I expected that, but I just wanted you to know that if you get overwhelmed and want to share with the class-.”

Bill chuckled. “How badly do you want to know what we talked about today?” Bill turned around to face Holden.

“Really bad.” Holden answered, letting out a sigh. He just needed to know.

“How bad?” Bill asked again, smirking at Holden.

“I’ll be your golf caddie the next time you play.” Holden offered and Bill stopped to think about it.

“...You might be onto something.”

Bill finished his dinner in the living room with Holden, who was working on a report. Once he was done eating, he changed into his shorts and tank top. Holden was already in his pajama pants and a t-shirt, lounging on the couch now that his report was done. Bill sat down on the couch and thought about what Nicole said about intimacy. He looked over at Holden, taking the time to admire his profile. Even in the red plaid pajama pants and a t-shirt with holes in it, Holden was still incredibly sexy. Bill reached out to pat Holden on the leg. “Hey, come here.”

Holden thought Bill meant for him to sit right next to him, so that’s what he did. He slid across the couch until he bumped shoulders with his lover. He started to get comfortable again but he was stopped. “No, come here.” Bill patted his lap then reached out and grabbed Holden’s hips. He helped guide Holden so the younger man could easily toss his leg over and properly straddle him.

Holden smiled, a bit confused by the request. “What’s this about?”

Bill shrugged before wrapping his arms around Holden’s waist. “Nothing, I just miss this.” He said as he hugged Holden to his chest. “The affection, the intimacy. Fuck, I miss your body and the way it feels on top of me, underneath me.” Bill moved so he could kiss along Holden’s neck. Holden let out a whimper when Bill found his sensitive spot.

“Bill…” Holden moaned. Bill’s hands found their way under the t-shirt and began to tease Holden’s nipples. Holden threw his head back when his nipples were twisted and pinched. A pleasure that he hadn’t felt in a while ran down his spine. “I thought it was me.” Holden gasped.

“What?” Bill didn’t know what he was talking about.

“I thought you weren’t attracted to me anymore.” Holden confessed and Bill looked up at him in bewilderment.

“Holden...that’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever said.” Bill looked Holden up and down before speaking again. “Have you looked in a mirror recently?”

“I’ve gained weight.” Holden countered. “Around the time your...problem started, I was up 12 pounds. We’d been on the road for so long and all we ate was diner food. I didn’t have time to exercise most days.” Holden explained. “I’ve lost a few pounds since, but I’m not at my original weight. My abs aren’t as defined, my ass isn’t as toned, my thighs are a bit thicker and they jiggle. I just thought-.” Holden was cut off by Bill cupping his face and pulling him in for a deep kiss. Bill put everything he had behind the kiss. Slowly moving his lips against Holden’s until he needed air. He pulled back just enough to breathe.

“You’re so fucking sexy, Holden Ford.” Bill claimed. “Whether you’re up twelve pounds or a hundred and twelve pounds. My attraction for you has never waivered...even though my body isn’t exactly showing it.” He explained and gestured toward his cock. “But my mind is running wild with ideas of what I want to do to you.” Bill grabbed at Holden’s shirt and raised it up. Holden raised his arms to assist Bill in taking off his shirt.

“Yeah.” Holden breathed heavily as Bill’s hands slid down his arms to his wrist. His arms were pushed back so his hands were behind him. Bill pushed his hands together behind his back, pressing his wrists together. He used one of his large hands to hold his wrist together while Bill’s other hand landed on his hips.

“I want to tie you up.” Bill said in a low, a touch deeper than normal voice, and dripping with desire. “And make up for lost time.” He added before moving in to kiss along Holden’s chest. His mouth eventually found a nipple and let his tongue flick across the bud.

Holden moaned as Bill mouthed at his nipples. “With your cuffs?” He asked a bit cheekily. He knew how to get out of the standard issue handcuffs and Bill knew that. Holden let out a sudden, sharp gasp when he felt Bill lightly bite his nipple. “Please do that again…” Holden whimpered and felt the rumble of Bill’s chuckles.

“Straps.” Bill answered. He released Holden’s wrist and used his now free hand to pull at the ties on Holden’s sweatpants. “Pinning your arms above your head and forcing your legs to stay open.” He bit at Holden’s nipple and earned another moan from him. Bill pushed the sweats down as much as he could, letting Holden’s erection spring free. “Fuck.” Bill thought that he might be jealous or envious when he saw Holden’s hard cock standing at full attention, but seeing it just made him angry at himself. “I’m sorry.” Bill whispered. “I’m sorry I can’t please you the way you deserved to be pleased.” He focused on Holden’s chest, he didn’t want to look at the younger man but Holden wasn’t having any of that.

Holden placed his fingers under Bill’s chin and tilted his head up. “You don’t see me complaining, do you?” He slid off Bill’s lap and started to undress. It wasn’t anything sexy and he didn’t make a show of it. He undressed as quickly as he could, tossing his clothes on the ground but throwing his underwear at Bill. Bill chuckled as he caught it. 

“Come on.” Holden nodded in the direction of the bedroom. “I’ll show you exactly how you can please me.”

* * *

“They thought it was them!” Bill laughed with a lit cigarette between his fingers. He leaned back in the chair across from Nicole as his laughter died down. He was back for another session with Dr. Perry and this time he was definitely more relaxed. “That’s so stupid, ain’t it?”

Nicole smiled at Bill, amused by his laughter. “No, it’s logical. If your partner suddenly has issues in the bedroom and your body has gone through a major change, then it’s logical to think that the change was the problem.” She explained.

“Twelve pounds, doc?” Bill took a drag of his cigarette. “That’s not a major change. I didn’t even notice the weight gain...actually.” Bill took another quick smoke of his cigarette before speaking. “I did notice the slight change in their thighs, but I liked that. I hope they don’t lose all of the weight.” He winked.

“It’s not a big change for you but your partner seems health conscious and, for a normally healthy individual, a twelve pound weight gain is major.” Nicole countered and Bill shrugged.

“Whatever you say, doc.” Bill flicked his ashes into the tray. “But I told them that they were being ridiculous.”

Nicole nodded and wrote a few things down. “I gave you some homework. Were you able to tie the homework to this situation?” She asked and a big grin appeared on his face. “I’m going to take that as a yes.”

“They weren’t complaining about their weight for much longer.” Bill grinned and took a long drag of his cigarette. 

“And your partner had no complaints?” Nicole asked and Bill shook his head. “See, your significant other wasn’t bothered by your issue.”

Bill sighed, throwing his finished bud in the ashtray. “Yeah, but it bothered me. I kept thinking about how badly I wanted to fuck them, but I couldn’t. It was frustrating.”

Nicole nodded. “Well, I’m here to give you some peace.” She smiled at Bill. “But we’ll have to work through some uncomfortable discussions about other stressors.”

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about that.” Bill began. He shifted his weight so he could sit up in the chair. “I think last time when you did the basic family history bullshit, I told you about my son.” He said and Nicole nodded.

“Yes, Brian.” She remembered.

Bill nodded. “He’s a great kid, but he’s a teenager with a teenage attitude.” Bill sighed. “Thinks he’s grown and knows everything, you know?”

Nicole nodded. “Teenagers can be a handful.”

Bill nodded. “Well, I think he’s starting to become a handful for Nancy. She hasn’t exactly said that to me, but her body language kind of says it all.” He explained. “And Brian is tired of his mom. He wants to live with me full time.”

“And how does that make you feel? Your son wanting to live with you?” Nicole asked after quickly writing on her pad.

Bill smiled. “It makes me happy. I wasn’t the best dad to him during his early years. I was traveling and my relationship with Nancy was crumbling.” Bill looked away from Nicole and went in his pocket for another cigarette. “I’m not proud of this, but Brian was often an afterthought.” He pulled out a cigarette and his lighter. “My significant other really helped me get my shit together and helped me become a better dad.” Bill smiled as he thought about Holden and how he helped him after the divorce. He lit his cigarette and took a drag. “I’d love for him to live with me.”

Nicole looked up from his writing to speak. “You said this makes you happy but I’m sensing some...apprehension.” Nicole explained. “I may be reading too much into this. You said you’d love for your son to live with you, but I feel like you wanted to add a ‘but’ to that statement.”

Bill took a long drag and nodded. He slowly blew the smoke out before speaking. “My significant other and I live together.” He started and Nicole nodded. “And my relationship is...unconventional.”

Nicole nodded. “I figured as much.” She admitted and Bill frowned.

Nicole put her writing pad on the table and sat her pen down as well. “You’ve never used a gendered pronoun to describe your partner.” She explained and Bill took a long drag of his cigarette to calm his nerves. “I figured your partner was either a man or a gender non-conforming person.” She explained.

Bill blew the smoke from his mouth as he stared at Nicole. Her pen and pad were now on the table and her hands were folded neatly in her lap. Could he really out himself right now to his therapist? A stranger? Bill felt like he could trust her, and she was bound by patient privacy laws. She couldn’t tell a soul. “My significant other is a man.” He confessed and Nicole nodded. “I don’t want to say his name. I don’t want to out him without his permission.” Bill explained. “I’ll call him...Model T.”

“I totally understand.” Nicole said quickly. “Your son moving in would cause some problems.”

Bill nodded. “If Brian came to live with us, we’d have to convert one of the rooms into a bedroom for Model T. We’d have to live as roommates...or he’d have to move out.” Bill sighed. “I already know the roommate thing won’t work.”

“Why?”

Bill chuckled. “I’m going to sneak into his room every night and Brian is a night owl. I’m bound to get caught. I have no discipline when it comes to him.”

“So, Model T moves out…” Nicole trailed off. “He could live close by so you could see him everyday. Brian is older so he won’t need you every second of the day, you could potentially spend a few nights there during the week.”

“I’m not leaving Brian alone in my house overnight.” Brian quickly put down her idea. “I’d come home to a fucking zoo in my living room.” He added with a chuckle. “Fuck, Nicole, I want it all.” Bill swore as he placed his arms across his thighs and leaned forward. “I want him and my kid under one roof. I want to adopt more kids with him and have a large family. I want to have the white picket fence life that they sold us back in the day. I served my country, got shipped off to Korea and almost died. The least I can get is a nice family life.” Bill sighed and leaned back in the chair. “But I have a dick...and he has a dick. That’s the issue, the wrench that’s been thrown into my plans.”

“Have you ever thought about coming out to Nancy and Brian?” Nicole questioned and Bill started to laugh.

“That’s funny. You’re really funny, doc. You should be a comedian.” Bill shook his head. “Nancy is religious, more so now than when we were married. If I told her, she’d run down to the courts and get my visitation taken away. I don’t want to lose my son.” He explained. “And Brian…” Bill let out a chuckle. “Brian just wants to rebel against Nancy so he’d say he was fine with it. Whether or not he would actually be fine with it is another story.”

Nicole nodded and cleared her throat. “I think we’ve found our problem that needs to be solved.” She started. “You said something very interesting: ‘But I have a dick...and he has a dick’. You think it all boils down to that?”

“Doesn’t it?” Bill questioned. “If either one of us had a pussy, this wouldn’t be an issue.”

“You’ve believed that for some time?” She spoke and Bill nodded. “I believe your belief is manifesting itself in your body, notably your penis.”

“What?” Bill was seriously confused. 

“You haven’t figured out how to solve this situation, but you do know that if one of you lost your penis, this situation wouldn’t be an issue.” Nicole further explained. “I believe your mind has dwelled on this for so long that you’ve ‘lost your penis’ so to speak. It’s your brain’s unusual way of solving the problem.”

Bill let out a deep sigh and shook his head, attempting to process everything the doctor said. “But…” Bill rubbed his eyes before speaking. “I love being a man. I love my dick. I don’t want to be a woman.”

“I understand that and I’m not questioning your gender identity.” Nicole quickly explained, not wanting to offend Bill. “But we have to change your line of thinking around this issue with your son and ex-wife. We have to find a solution to your problem and you have to believe that this issue can be solved in a way where everyone wins.”

* * *

“Oh, Oh, Bill, Bill, BILL!” 

Holden’s arm quickly rose off the bed and grabbed Bill’s foreman, fingers tightly gripping the limb as his orgasm rolled over him. His back arched off the bed and he let out a loud groan. “Stop, I can’t…” He gripped Bill’s arm tighter to stop its movement.

Bill grinned as he looked down at Holden’s face, dripping with sweat, flushed, and so pretty. He was lying beside Holden in just his boxers. His hand between Holden’s legs and three of his fingers made a home out of his lover’s tight hole. He wiggled his fingers, disturbing Holden’s prostate again and the younger man let out another whine. “Mh, you said you’d give me six orgasms.” Bill reminded Holden.

“I may have overestimat-ED. BILL!” Holden yelped as Bill’s fingers brushed against his prostate. “Have mercy...I need a break. I’ve been so good, daddy. Please.” Holden knew Bill liked it when he called him daddy. He also batted his eyelashes at Bill in an attempt to gain sympathy.

Bill hummed. “You have been good.” Bill leaned in to kiss Holden on his temple. “Alright, I’ll you a break.” Bill slowly pulled his fingers from Holden and he almost laughed when he heard Holden loudly let out a sigh of relief.

“Thank you.” Holden called out as Bill left the bed. Bill mumbled something that Holden couldn’t hear and disappeared into the bathroom. Bill re-emerged with a towel and went to clean off Holden’s belly and between his legs before setting the towel on the nightstand and getting back in bed. “Hold me.” Holden demanded and held his arms out.

“You’re a little needy tonight.” Bill joked as he moved closer to Holden, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him close. Silence fell over them, but only for a moment. Holden’s anxiety demanded he fill it.

“Hm, I know you used me as a distraction from something that happened in therapy.” Holden turned onto his side so he could look into Bill’s eyes. “Not that I minded being used in this way.” Holden winked before getting back on track. “But I can also be a listening ear.” 

Bill leaned in to kiss Holden on the lips. “I really hate how well you read me.”

“We’re profilers, babe.” Holden raised his hand to pat Bill softly on his cheek. “You can’t hide anything from me.”

“I thought we said we wouldn’t profile each other outside of work.” Bill tried to remind Holden but his lover shook his head.

“You agreed to do that. I never did.” Holden explained. “Besides, you know I can’t turn this off.” He said and pointed to his head. Bill nodded, his hand moving to rest on Holden’s hip.

“The living situation with Brian.” Bill started. “I want him to live with me but if he comes to live here…” Bill trailed off as his hand slipped lower to rest on Holden’s thighs.

“I’d have to move out.” Holden answered.

“We could turn the back room into a bedroom for you. We never use that room.” Bill offered. 

Holden smiled. “I’m worried that I’ll run into Brian as I’m sneaking to your room in the middle of the night.” 

Bill chuckled. “And you’re not exactly quiet.” He quipped and Holden lightly smacked him on the arm.

“That’s your fault.” He countered and Bill just shrugged. “Moving out would probably be best.” 

Bill sighed. “I don’t want you to move out.”

“I know but.” Holden reached out with one hand to cup Bill’s cheek. “Brian’s your son. He has to be your number one.”

“Why can’t you two be 1A and 1B?” Bill groaned. 

“Because that’s not the world we live in.” Holden leaned in to press a soft kiss to Bill’s lips. “But this doesn’t have to impact us. We’ll see each other at work and you can always come to my place afterwards. We’ll still travel together.”

“It’s not fair to you.” Bill interrupted, his hand starting to grip Holden’s thigh as he felt frustrated.

“When I entered into this relationship.” Holden began. “I understood that your son came first and this could be a possibility.” Holden explained. “I guess…” Holden bit his lip. “I never had a good relationship with my father, and I don’t want you and Brian to end up like me and my dad.” Holden explained. Bill let Holden’s words sink in to his being before responding.

“You’re amazing.” Bill said and leaned into to kiss Holden. He cupped Holden’s face and deepened the kiss, pushing his tongue inside of his lover’s mouth. He was incredibly grateful that Holden was his partner. Bill couldn’t think of many, man or woman, that would have dealt with a fraction of the bullshit that Holden had to deal with. Holden had to sacrifice quite a bit in order to work around his baggage. It was time Bill sacrificed something for him.

Bill pushed Holden so he was on his back and Bill was on top of him. Holden moaned into the kiss as their bodies touch and Bill pulled away to kiss along Holden’s neck.

“Bill.” Holden gasped. “Are you...hard?” Holden asked and Bill pulled away slightly to look down. He used one hand to push his shorts down and looked at his cock. He wasn’t fully hard. It was enough to be noticeable but Bill knew he was still too soft to penetrate Holden.

“I told you.” Bill looked away from his cock and at Holden. “I love your thicker thighs.” He confessed and Holden rolled his eyes.

“Kiss me before I kick you out of the bed.” Holden demanded and pulled Bill in for another kiss. Bill returned the passionate liplock and pressed his body against Holden’s.

“Why don’t we start on the rest of those orgasms?” Bill chuckled when Holden let out a groan. “I’ll take it slow.” Bill added and Holden wrapped his legs around Bill’s waist, his thighs squeezing around his man.

“Do your worst.”

* * *

“Dad!” Brian yelled as he ran out of the house, holding his skateboard and his backpack sling over his shoulder. It was Friday afternoon, Bill’s weekend with Brian and the older man always enjoyed the weekend stays with his son.

Bill smirked as he looked at Brian, eyes peering over his aviator shades. “What’s with the hair?” He reached out and ruffled Brian’s now almost shoulder length hair. Brian huffed and pushed Bill’s hand away.

“Dad! You’re messing it up.” He complained and walked to the passenger side of the car.

“He refuses to get a haircut.”

Bill looked over to see Nancy standing in the doorway. She smiled and waved at Bill and he waved back. “Be good for your dad!” Nancy yelled out and Brian sighed.

“I’m always good!” He yelled back before getting in the car.

Bill shrugged and shook his head. “I’ll see you Sunday, Nancy.”

“Have fun with the attitude.” She smirked before disappearing inside of her house. 

Bill returned to the car and drove away from the house. 

The father and son headed to the mall first. Brian mentioned, during a phone conversation, that he needed some new shoes for physical education at school. The duo walked around the mall, purchasing Brian’s shoes and some other clothes for the growing boy. Brian tried his best to convince his dad to buy him another skateboard, but Bill smirked and said he needed to get a haircut in order to get a new board. Brian dropped his request. 

The duo then ran into a few of Brian’s friends and Brian tried to steer clear of them, but they noticed him before he could get his dad around the corner. Brian mumbled an ‘oh god’ under his breath as Bill introduced himself to the friends. Brian moved the introductions along and quickly ended the conversation, steering his dad in the opposite direction of his friends. 

“That was embarrassing.” Brian sighed but Bill shook his head.

“I’m not embarrassing. I’m a cool dad.” Bill corrected his son as they headed for the exit. 

“Right.” Brian rolled his eyes. “And I’m Princess Diana.”

“Well, hello there, your majesty.”

After leaving the mall, the father and son grabbed some food and returned home to eat. They laid the food out across the table and ate as they watched television and Brian finished up his homework. Bill glanced at his son a few times throughout the night, working up the courage to have a conversation that could change everything.

“Hey, Bri.” Bill called out and Brian turned to him, cheeks filled with pizza and chewing quickly. “I’ve had a few conversations with your mom. She thinks it’s a good idea for you to live with me since you’re becoming her ‘little man’.” Brian’s face lit up at the revelation. “But…” Bill started before Brian started to celebrate. “If your mother agrees to this, you won’t move in until after the school year is finished. We both think it’s best that you finish out the year with your mother before coming here. The disruption would be unnecessary and could put you behind.” He explained and Brian shrugged. 

“Alright, I guess.” Brian said after swallowing his pizza. He quickly grabbed another slice and began to eat it. 

“There’s something else you need to know if you’re going to live here.” Bill began. He let out a deep breath to calm his nerves. He really needed a cigarette right now. Where was his pack? He patted his pocket and realized they weren’t there. No, he didn’t need them. He could do this. If he could talk to serial killers, he could talk to his son and be honest with him. “You know I’m seeing someone? You know I mention them from time to time?” 

Brian nodded and waited for his dad to continue. “Well, they live here...we live together...in this house.” Bill repeated himself.

“Got it.” Brian cut in so Bill would stop.

“Right, well…” Brian cleared his throat. “Our relationship is...unconventional, and I want you to be comfortable in your own home, so it’s something you need to know before you move in.” Bill clenched his fist to stop his hands from shaking and took in a deep breath to calm himself down. He should have taken one of Holden’s Valium before he had this conversation.

“I...my...the person I’ve been seeing is...a man.” Bill finally let the admission fall from his lips. “I’ve been seeing and living with a man for the past 6 years.” Bill felt a bit of weight lift off his shoulders. He came out to his son. This was a major step for him. Bill always wanted Brian to think highly of him and be proud to be his son. The only person he tried to impress more was Holden. It would devastate him if Brian no longer wanted to associate with him.

Brian gulped loudly, swallowing the pizza. “Yeah, I know you and uncle Holden are together.” He answered casually before reaching for another piece of pizza.

Bill heard a record scratch in his head at Brian’s confession. “Excuse me?” Bill blinked rapidly as he struggled to process Brian’s statement. 

“Uncle Holden is your boyfriend.” Brian said for certain. “Actually, you guys are like...married...but without the wedding and everything, you know?” Brian further explained how he saw Bill and Holden.

Bill cleared his throat. He prepared for many reactions, this was not one he’d prepared for. It hadn’t even crossed his mind that Brian might have figured them out. “How…?” Bill attempted to form a question but his mind was still running a step behind.

“You always said be observant so…” Brian shrugged. “I noticed that whenever Uncle Holden is around, you look at him with love eyes, like he created the world in seven days or something.”

“No, I-.” Bill tried to interrupt but Brian spoke over him.

“You also talk about him a lot, and you talk about him in this poetic way that you don’t use for anyone else-.”

“I don’t.” Bill interrupted.

Brian once again ignored the interruption. “I found uncle Holden’s badge and gun in your bedroom nightstand one time.” Brian added. “And I saw you guys in the kitchen like two or three Christmas’s ago, at the Christmas party you held. I saw you kiss and hug uncle Holden before I walked in to ask for more cookies.”

Bill was still amazed at how Brian managed to see all of this. They’d always been so careful. It made him wonder if anyone else knew about them. “Does your mom-.”

“Oh, no.” Brian shook his head. “She asked about your girlfriend. I told her you’re with a hot, young, brunette.” He winked. “Which isn’t a lie, technically.” Brian quickly added before putting his pizza down so he could hug Bill. “I love you dad.”

Bill wrapped his arms around Brian and squeezed his son tight. “I love you too, Bri.” He replied and kissed the top of his son’s head.

“So uncle Holden is still going to stay with us, right?” Brian asked and Bill nodded. 

“Yeah, he’ll be here.” 

“Good.” Brian breathed a sigh of relief. “Because he’s the cool parent I can introduce my friends to.”

“Hey!”

* * *

“The little shit said he knew. He fucking knew already.” Bill held his lit cigarette between his fingers as he talked to Dr. Perry. “Laid out all of the evidence like a goddamn mini-profiler.” Bill added before putting his cigarette to his lips.

“Well, he is your son.” Nicole smiled. “I’m sure you taught him to be observant, to read people.”

“Other people.” Bill blew the smoke from his mouth. “Not me.” Bill scoffed. “He said I had love eyes every time I looked at Model T and that I spoke about him in a poetic way all the time.”

Nicole shrugged. “He may have a point there.” She admitted as she remembered a few of their past sessions and Bill narrowed his eyes at her. “How did all of this make you feel?” 

“Relieved. I’m glad Brian accepts us. You know how worried I was about that.” Bill took a drag before continuing. “He thinks Model T is the cool parent.” Bill chuckled. “And he equated us to a married couple.” 

“That’s how he sees you two?” Nicole questioned and Bill nodded. “Good. That’s great actually. What about Nancy?”

Bill winced. “We’re still keeping her in the dark.” Bill answered. “At least until Brian moves in and everything is legally squared away.” Bill explained. “I’m still not sure how she will react. Brian seems to think it won’t be good. He told his mom I was dating a young, hot, brunette and she seemed a bit annoyed by his answer.” 

“She may have been annoyed by the way he answered, and not the answer itself.” Nicole offered and Bill shrugged.

“I haven’t spent a significant amount of time with Nancy in years.” Bill stamped out his cigarette in the ashtray. “I just don’t know. It’s hard to gauge.”

Nicole nodded. “But waiting until after Brian is in your legal custody to tell her isn’t a slam dunk. You could tell her and she could petition the court to reverse the order.” Nicole offered.

“That’s true.” Nicole had a point. Nancy could go to court at any time to get Brian back. “Having Brian does give me a slight upper hand though.” Bill sighed. “I just need time to come up with a plan for Nancy. We’re having to talk more and more due to the changes with Brian. I’m figuring her out again...I think.”

Nicole nodded. “They say honesty is the best policy. People have a way of figuring things out...Brian is a good example of this.” She explained and Bill nodded. “It will be important for her to know that Brian already knows and he’s fine with it.” Nicole added and Bill nodded.

* * *

“Your son is already packing his things.” Nancy laughed into the receiver. Bill sat at his desk, phone pressed to his ear with one hand and flipping through some papers with the other.

“You told him this wasn’t iron out, right?” Bill asked and Nancy scoffed.

“He’s a teenager. He only listens to what he wants to hear.”

Bill hummed in response. “While we're on the subject.” Bill cleared his throat and swallowed to rid himself of dry mouth. “I’m not sure if Brian told you, but I’ve been seeing someone for a while.”

“Yeah.” Nancy answered. “He said you were dating a hot, young, brunette. I thought you were into blondes.” She joked and Bill chuckled. 

“I can’t believe Brian described them that way.” 

“How has Brian described the guys I’ve dated?” Nancy asked.

“Mostly nice but lame.” Bill answered and they shared a laugh. Bill was glad that his relationship with Nancy had thawed out over the years. At the start of the divorce proceedings, things were tense between them. Nancy cared too much and Bill’s apathy didn’t help. Now, the two could joke and share a laugh. He wondered if they would still be this friendly after she knew about Holden. “But I think you should know that I-we...they moved in with me. We live together.” Bill explained. “If Brian comes to live with me-.”

“He’ll also be living with your girlfriend.” Nancy interrupted and Bill winced at the mention of him having a girlfriend.

“Ain’t I too old for the girlfriend- boyfriend thing?” He half-joked and could hear Nancy laugh.

“Well...I’d like to meet them.” Nancy requested. “Not that I don’t trust your judgement, I just-.”

“I understand.” Bill cut her off. “Why don’t you pick a date and we can all meet. We’ll work out the logistics later.” 

“Sounds like a good plan to me.” Nancy responded.

Before Bill could say anything, Holden walked into his office. “Sorry to interrupt, but it’s Ted. He wants to see us, right now.”

Bill sighed. “Sorry, But I have to go get yelled at by the big boss. I’ll talk to you later.” He hung up the phone and stood from his desk. Holden turned to leave but Bill called out to stop him. Holden turned back around and watched Bill close the space between them.

“What do you think about lunch with Nancy?” Bill asked and Holden’s eyes widened.

“You mean, as a…” Holden pointed at himself and Bill. Bill nodded, understanding Holden’s made-up sign language. 

“She wants to meet the other person that would be living with Brian.” Bill explained.

Holden nodded. “Well, I think I need to brush up on my debate techniques.”

* * *

Holden watched as Bill placed a pitcher of water on the dining room table, next to the light lunch they prepared. Nancy would be stopping by soon. She had a house for sale in the area and had an appointment to show it. After the showing, she would head to their home for lunch and to meet Bill’s significant other.

“Should I make coffee?” Bill asked but didn’t give Holden a chance to answer. “I should make coffee.” He started toward the kitchen but Holden wrapped his fingers around Bill’s wrist, stopping him in his tracks. He looked down at Holden, sitting on the dining room chair in his crisp powder blue button up and black slacks. 

“Do you need one of my valiums?” Holden asked. They often joked about Bill needing the pills more than Holden did sometimes, but Holden was seriously asking if Bill wanted one. Bill sighed and shook his head. 

“No. I should be entirely lucid.” Bill explained. Holden tugged on Bill’s hand and pointed to the seat next to him. Bill obeyed and promptly sat in the chair. Holden let go of Bill’s wrist to grab a napkin on the table. He turned back to Bill and dapped the napkin across Bill’s forehead.

“You’re sweating.” Holden nodded as he wiped the sweat from Bill’s brow. “You might sweat through your shirt.”

“I have an undershirt on.” Bill answered and let out another sigh. “I don’t think I’ve ever been this nervous.” He confessed. “I’ve had guns pointed at me, been in hostage situations…”

“This is different.” Holden jumped in. “The mother of your child is coming here, expecting to meet a woman but will get me instead. This is a big risk.” Holden leaned over to kiss Bill. “This is a huge step. It could change everything.”

“Well, that makes me feel so much better.” Bill said sarcastically and Holden chuckled at Bill’s attitude.

“You said you always wanted me to be honest.” Holden reminded him.

“I was stupid back then.” Bill retorted and Holden laughed before pressing his lips to Bill’s. The couple share another brief kiss, one that calmed Bill’s nerves in time for Nancy’s visit.

The doorbell rang and Bill rose from the chair and made his way to the front door. He took in a deep breath before grabbing the brass doorknob and turning it, pulling the door open to reveal his ex-wife. Nancy came straight from the show, so she was dressed in a business skirt suit and heels. Pearl earrings matched the pearl necklace and watch on her wrist. It seemed a bit fancier than her normal workwear, but Bill couldn’t be sure. He hadn’t lived with her in years. She could have a new style. He just hoped she didn’t get all dressed up to upstage his “girlfriend”. 

“Hey, nice to see you.” Bill greeted and stepped out of the way so Nancy could come inside. 

“Hey, it’s good to see you too.” Nancy greeted Bill with a hug once she was inside. Bill kindly hugged her back before pulling away. “I’m so glad the rain held off. It would have ruined my hair.” She chuckled as her fingers ran through the ends of her hair.

Bill just smiled, not really knowing what to say. “You look great Nancy.” Bill complimented her. Everyone loves a compliment, and Nancy was no exception. She smiled brightly and stood up straighter after Bill’s comment.

“Well…” Nancy looked around. “Is she here?”

Bill almost asked who Nancy was referring to before his brain kicked into gear and realized she was Holden. “Um, yeah, just…” Bill sighed. “When you meet, try to have an...open mind.” Bill said, trying to prep Nancy the best way he could. His ex-wife chuckled and hit Bill’s shoulder.

“Oh, is she that young?” Nancy chuckled. “Robbing the cradle, huh?”

“Not exactly.” Bill said as he turned to lead Nancy to the dining room. He could hear her heels clicking against the floor as she followed him. He felt his stomach do a backflip as he turned the corner and entered the dining room. He made eye contact with Holden and the other man stood up as he and Nancy entered the room.

“Holden!” Nancy exclaimed, surprised to see Bill’s co-worker. “What are you…” She trailed off and watched Bill cross the short distance to stand next to Holden. Her eyes widened when Bill gently took his co-worker’s hand and held it. “You two-.” She pointed between them. The question died in her throat. She knew the answer but she wanted to hear it directly from Bill’s mouth. “He’s your hot, young, brunette.” Nancy spoke softly as her eyes stayed glued on Holden.

“Yes.” Bill swallowed hard but Holden frowned.

“Hot, young, brunette?” Holden questioned softly.

“I’ll explain later.” Bill promised before turning back to Nancy. “Nance, Holden is my significant other. I know this is quite a shock and not what you were expecting-.”

“Yeah.” Nancy scoffed. “I never would have expected…” She pointed at Holden. “I pictured a skinny, college girl...not a man.” She felt like her head was spinning. It was as if the whole flipped and everything was upside down. Bill was with a man.

“Why don’t we sit?” Holden offered. “This is a lot to take in.” 

Bill agreed and pulled out a chair for Nancy before taking a seat next to Holden. He looked over at Nancy and could see the wheels turning in her mind as she processed everything. “I know you probably have questions, and we’ll do our best to answer them as honestly as possible.” Bill explained before reaching out for Holden. He tried to do it under the table, out of Nancy’s eye, and slid his hand across Holden’s thigh. Holden placed his hand in Bill’s and he felt an almost instant calm come over him. He could do this as long as Holden was next to him.

Nancy nodded. “How long?” She trailed off when he eye caught Bill reaching for Holden’s hand.

“It’ll be seven years in a few months.” Bill answered.

“So shortly after the divorce was finalized.” She went over the timeline in her head. “Did you-I mean.” She stopped herself, not knowing how to phrase the next question. “If I remember correctly, you two traveled together quite a bit.” Nancy swallowed hard. “There were many...opportunities, especially toward the end of our marriage. I wasn’t satisfying Bill-.”

“Oh, no!” Holden exclaimed, shaking his head. “We never...I didn’t even know he was interested until you both filed for divorce.” Holden explained. Nancy scoffed, she guessed Bill still had some morals.

Bill sighed. He probably should keep this to himself, but he promised to be truthful. They needed to be open for Brian’s sake. “For me, it was a one-sided emotional affair.”

“Really?” Nancy and Holden both said at the same time. The two shared a look before turning to Bill. “You never told me that.” Holden squeezed Bill’s hand as encouragement. 

“Because I knew you’d call me an idiot.” Bill joked and Holden rolled his eyes. “But I was pouring all of my emotional energy into my relationship with Holden. I had none left for you.” Bill looked at Nancy. “I started calling Holden first whenever I had good news or needed someone to vent to. Holden was constantly on my mind and the more time we spent together, the deeper I fell.” Bill explained. “I never intended to act on my feelings.”

“Really?” This time it was just Nancy voicing shock because Holden had heard this party.

Bill nodded. “I never planned on us happening.” He pointed between himself and Holden. “It wouldn’t have been fair to you or Holden if I started a physical affair, and I wanted to keep us intact for Brian’s sake. I had my thoughts, my dreams, my fantasies and that was good enough for me...until I came home to an empty house.” Bill explained.

“You had no reason to hold back anymore.” Nancy grabbed a glass and took a sip of water, wishing it was something much stronger.

“After we talked and you said there was no way reconciliation could happen, I let my guard down.” Bill added. “I confessed my feelings to Holden and...here we are.” 

A silence fell over the trio of adults as they all processed what was just said. Nancy wore a neutral expression on her face and took another sip of water while Bill’s thumb rubbed along the back of Holden’s hand.

“Bill is a great dad.” Holden blurted out, unable to handle the silence any longer. “Bill and Brian have a wonderful relationship. I-.” Holden cleared his throat. “You may have some reservations about Brian coming to live with us full time, but don’t take Brian away from him. Bill is and has always been a great influence on Brian.” Holden pleaded on behalf of his partner. Brian was Bill’s world. If he shut out of Brian’s life, Holden wasn’t sure what Bill would do.

“How did Brian find out?” Nancy wondered.

Bill chuckled. “He was being a snoop and found some of Holden’s things in my room. He then started watching us like a hawk, the way we move and talk.” Bill smirked. “He put two and two together and ended up with four.” He decided to leave out the time Brian saw them kiss. Bill still wasn’t sure about her reaction to this. 

“Observant, like his dad.” Nancy remarked. “I don’t know if that scares me or impresses me.” She added.

Holden cleared his throat. “And Brian will be safe with two federal agents in the house. You already know the neighborhood is nice and the school system is great here.” Holden bit his lip as he looked at Bill before turning to Nancy. “If circumstances demand it, I’ll sleep in a separate bedroom or move out altogether.” Holden offered, ignoring Bill’s glare. 

“Have you always been…” Nancy pointed to Holden as she looked at Bill. “Have you always found me attractive?” She wondered and Bill nodded. “Even while we were married?” Bill nodded.

“I’m sure you found other men attractive while we were married.” Bill added with a shrugged.

“Yes, but it’s normal for me to do so.” Nancy quickly retorted. 

“So what am I?” Bill scoffed. “A fucking alien?”

Nancy opened her mouth, but quickly closed it. “Excuse me, but I’m at a loss for words.” She explained. Thoughts swirled through her head, but she couldn’t figure out how to vocalize them.

“I know this was a lot for you.” He said to Nancy. “Why don’t we eat?”

No one ate much and after a few minutes, Nancy said she needed to leave. Bill walked her to the door and she left without a ‘goodbye’ or another word. Bill went back to the dining room and saw that Holden visited the liquor cabinet in the short time he walked Nancy to the door. “This or a Valium.” Holden offered, holding out the bottle of bourbon. Bill smirked as he reached out and took the bottle from Holden.

“You know me so well.” Bill said as he looked at the bottle.

“Make us a drink and I’ll clean up.” Holden started to clean up the dining room table while Bill went to the kitchen to search for glasses. He found two large glasses, that were actually for water and not alcohol, and proceeded to pour both of them a drink. He took the glasses and the bottle of booze to the living room, placing them on the coffee table as he waited for Holden. He didn’t have to wait long. Holden came out of the kitchen and made his way over to Bill.

“Extra large drinks.” Holden grabbed the glass from the table and sat next to Bill. “Do you wanna chug them?” He smirked and Bill felt his heart skip a beat. 

“I love you so much.”

A few hours later, Bill found himself with his head in Holden’s lap. He was laying on the couch, eyes closed 

And humming along to the smooth jazz coming from the radio. Holden had turned the radio up but it did nothing to drown out the rain. It was full on storming outside, rain violently hit their home and the wind whipped loudly outside.

“It’s supposed to storm all day, tomorrow too.” Holden noted as he ran his fingers through Bill’s short hair, massaging his scalp. His other hand laid on Bill’s chest over where his heart would be. “We should probably talk about what happened with Nancy.”

“No.” Bill answered. “I’m fine.” He attempted to shut Holden down but, when had he ever been successful at that?

“An emotional affair, huh?” Holden smiled at Bill as he opened his eyes.

“You’re ruining my alcohol buzz.” Bill complained.

“Lucky for you, we have more alcohol.” Holden retorted.

“Smartass.” Bill rolled his eyes. He sat up enough so he could kiss Holden on the lips.

Holden smiled into the kiss and as he pulled back. “You’re trying to distract me, but you can’t.” Holden challenged.

“We’ll see about that.” Bill mumbled before going in for another kiss.

Before they could get into anything too intimate, the doorbell rang loudly through the house. 

“Were you expecting anyone?” Bill asked and Holden shook his head. The doorbell went off again and Bill sat up to answer it. “I’ll get it.” Bill said as he stood from the couch. As he walked to the door, the doorbell rang again. “I’m coming!” He yelled to the person on the other side of the door. “Damn, impatient people. Coming without calling first and want me to rush.” He mumbled to himself. He finally reached the door and threw it open, prepared to yell at whoever it was, but his attitude changed when he saw who it was. “Brian!” 

Brian was standing in front of him, drenched from the downpour of rain. He held his skateboard above his head and had a large bag strapped to him.

“Mom’s an asshole!” Brian exclaimed and Bill shook his head.

“Brian, don’t talk about your mother that way.” Bill quickly corrected him.

“Brian?” Holden’s voice could be heard in the background. Bill then heard Holden’s bare feet approaching and he heard Holden gasp.

“Oh my God, Brian! Get in here!” Holden rushed to pull Brian inside of the house and Bill closed the door behind him. “You're soaked.” 

“Yeah, well, I walked.” Brian answered.

“You did what?” Both adults questioned the teenager.

“Brian, that has to be an hour walk.” Bill said as he thought about the route he took to get to Nancy’s house. 

Holden shook his head. “We’ll yell at you later about how dangerous that was, but you need to get out of these clothes before you get sick.” 

Holden and Bill ushered Brian to the bathroom and told him to take a hot shower. While he was in the shower, Bill grabbed the soaking wet clothes and popped them into the washing machine. Brian had plenty of clothes at the house, so Bill easily found something for his son to put on. About thirty minutes later, Brian was sitting on the couch, between Holden and Bill, in warm pajamas and a blanket over his shoulders. Holden found a can of chicken noodle soup and warmed it up for the boy. Brian put the empty bowl on the coffee table. “Okay, I’m all warm now.” Brian shrugged the blanket off. “This is hot.” He complained but Holden took the blanket and placed it back over Brian’s shoulders.

“Brian, why did you walk all the way here?” Bill asked. “You could have called me. I would have picked you up.”

Brian shook his head. “No, I couldn’t call you because mom’s an asshole.” He spat.

“Hey, don’t say that about your mom.” Holden scolded Brian.

“She doesn’t want me to live here anymore!” Brian explained. “She was okay with it yesterday but now that she knows you’re with a guy, you’re no longer a worthy dad...or whatever she said.”

“She said your father wasn’t a worthy father?” Holden questioned and Brian nodded. “She is an asshole.”

“Holden!” Bill exclaimed.

“Sorry but she basically told your son that you’re a loser!” Holden exclaimed. “She acts like you’re a deadbeat dad.”

“Yeah.” Brian interjected. “You just love uncle Holden. Nothing else is different. You’re still the same. You’re still my dad.” Brian moved to wrap his arms around his father. Bill returned the hug and squeezed his son to his chest.

“Don’t you worry.” Bill pressed a kiss to the top of Brian’s head. “Everything will be fine. I’ll take care of it.” He promised.

Brian calmed down and eventually fell asleep. Bill took him to his room and tucked him in before returning to the living room. “She hasn’t called, so she hasn’t even noticed her son is gone.” Holden crossed his arms over his chest. “And she calls you unworthy.”

“We gotta call her.” Bill sighed. “Before we’re hit with a kidnapping charge.” He added and went over to the phone. 

“Cops would believe us before her. We’re federal agents.” Holden reasoned but Bill still dialed her number. Holden listened as Bill explained the situation. He could hear Nancy’s panicked voice from his position. Finally, Bill hung the phone up.

“I told her Brian needed a night to cool down, but she wasn’t hearing it.” Bill explained.

“Brian is going to throw a fit if she tries to take him home.” Holden warned.

“Yeah, she can deal with that.” Bill shrugged. He had enough shit to deal with.

It didn’t take long for Hurricane Nancy to make landfall in their living room. After Bill opened the door, she stormed into the house. Her hair still tied up in rollers and wearing a large robe over what they assumed was a night gown. “Where is he?” She questioned as she entered the living room.

“He’s sleeping so please keep your voice down.” Bill urged but the plea fell on deaf ears. 

“How could you tell Brian that his dad was no longer worthy to be his dad?” Holden stood from the couch and walked over to her. Nancy scoffed and rolled her eyes.

“This doesn’t really concern you.” She retorted.

“When you’re attacking my partner’s character, it has everything to do with me.” Holden held firm. “And for you to say that to Brian. He’s a child. That’s not something he should ever hear from you or from Bill about you.” Holden added. “But you wanted to poison his mind, turn him against Bill.” Holden figured and Nancy looked away from him. Holden chuckled lightly. “You thought he’d pick you.”

“I wanted Brian to come here to learn how to be a man. A real man.” Nancy turned to look at Bill. “How can you teach him to be a man?”

“I’m still a man.” Bill said through gritted teeth. He wanted to say more, but kept his mouth shut. The last thing he needed was an all out screaming match between the trio.

Nancy shrugged. “You have the body and stature of a man. I’ll give you that, but you have the mentality of a woman, no, of bitch.”

“I guess it takes a bitch to know one.” Holden scoffed. He wasn’t worried about holding his tongue. If Nancy kept talking, she was going to learn exactly what Holden thought about her.

Nancy looked between the two men. “I won’t allow you to turn my son into a fag!”

“Mom!” Brian screamed as he appeared from the hallway into the living room.

Nancy cleared her throat. “Brian, we-.”

“Six years.” Brian cut his mother off. “Dad and uncle Holden have been together for six years without you ever knowing it. Nothing happened to me in that time and I’m not a fag as you say. Even if I was, it wouldn’t be their fault. Dad rarely touches uncle Holden whenever I’m around. They’ve never even hugged or kissed around me.” Brian explained. “They’re the best example of a relationship that I have and they’ve been actively trying to hide it from me for years.” Brian chuckled. “They weren’t really good at the hiding thing but they tried.” He added and Bill couldn’t help his smile at the remark. 

Nancy sighed. “Brian, I know you love your father but he’s not a great role model for-.”

“Should we talk about all of your great boyfriends?” Brian rolled his eyes. “Did you tell dad about the guy you caught doing drugs in the living room?”

“What?” Bill and Holden gasped. Nancy looked at Brian and let out a frustrated huff.

“That’s none of their business, young man.” Nancy said sternly.

“And what they do is none of your concern!” Brian yelled back. “I saw drug guy doing coke! So, by your logic, that means I should be doing coke by now!”

“That’s enough!” Nancy yelled. “We’re leaving!” 

Brian shook his head. “No, I’m not.” He crossed his arms defiantly over his chest.

“Brian…” Nancy said as a warning but it didn’t move him. She turned to Bill for help but he shrugged. 

“If you want him to leave.” Bill started as he crossed the room to stand next to Holden. “You wrestle him out the door.” Holden smirked and slipped his arm around Bill’s waist to rub it in a bit more.

Nancy rolled her eyes and turned back to Brian. She knew there was no getting Brian out of the house tonight. “I’ll see you in the morning.” She gritted out. “I’ll let myself out.” She added before storming out of the house, slamming the door behind her. The trio let out a sigh of relief once the door slammed closed behind her.

“Would anyone like some ice cream?” Holden asked and Brian quickly nodded. The trio made their way to the kitchen.

“Can I add bourbon to mine?” Bill asked and watched Holden open the freezer to retrieve the ice cream.

“Bourbon vanilla shake?” Holden offered and Bill shrugged. 

“Why the hell not?” Bill said and went to the liquor cabinet. “This night has already been weird as hell. Let’s add to it.”

Brian grabbed three glasses and placed them on the table. “Can I have some bourbon?” He asked and Bill laughed.

“Let’s break one rule at a time.” Bill ruffles Brian’s hair. “Your mother will blow a gasket if she found out about you drinking.”

“In that case.” Holden smirked and looked at Brian. “I’ll sneak you a little when your dad is distracted.” Holden whispered, but still loud enough for Bill to hear.

Bill chuckled. “Nancy was right.” He looked over at Holden and winked. “We’re not good role models.”

* * *

“It’s been a while.” Dr. Perry started as Bill took a seat. “The last time you were here you told me about Brian walking to your house and Nancy having issues with allowing Brian to live with you.”

Bill nodded. “We had a lot of things to clear up and work out. It’s taken over my life outside of the office.” He explained. “It’s all I’ve had time for.”

“I understand.” She nodded. “How has everything turned out? Or is it still a work in progress?”

Bill chuckled. “I would love to say we sat down like adults and worked everything out but, there was some dirty play.” He explained.

“How so?” 

Bill smirked. “My better half can be like a dog with a bone when he’s really focused on something. He found out about Nancy’s past boyfriends and some of them were no good. He had pictures and everything. I still don’t know how he got them.” Bill shrugged, struggling to hide his growing smile. “We, adults, had a sit down and I explained that her partners were no better. Yeah, I’m with a guy but he isn’t a drug dealer. She had my son around a drug dealer, can you believe that?” Bill scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“To be fair, those guys are normally good about hiding those things.” Nicole said, playing devil’s advocate. 

Bill shrugged. “When that was thrown in her face, she kind of caved. She said she hadn’t picked the right guys in the past, but at least she picked men and not women.” Bill scoffed. “But she couldn’t deny our effect on Brian. He also wasn’t making home life easy for her. Nancy ended up agreeing to the new living arrangement, but I think she did it to keep her relationship with Brian intact. I don’t think she’ll ever agree with our relationship.”

“How does that make you feel? The lack of approval from her?” Nicole asked and Bill chuckled.

“I don’t give a fuck.” Bill smirked. “Excuse my language, but I don’t care what she thinks. She isn’t keeping my son from me so…” Bill shrugged. “And I think my partner secretly likes making her uncomfortable.” Bill confessed and Nicole smiled.

“I shouldn’t laugh at that. It’s not professional. I’m sorry.” Nicole shook her head. “But that’s funny to imagine.”

“It is funny in person.” Bill confirmed and Nicole nodded.

“I would be remiss if I didn’t ask.” Nicole started“And how has this impacted your intimacy with your partner? This is why you started seeing me.” 

Bill laughed. “Intimacy?” Bill shook his head. “When I said this has taken over my life, I wasn’t exaggerating.” He explained. “We honestly haven’t had time for anything more than a quick kiss.” 

Nicole nodded. “Things seem to be winding down on this front. You’ll soon have time again to do other things. It’s important to have a plan of action when it comes to reigniting the intimacy in your relationship. You don’t want you to be caught flat footed.”

Bill nodded, leaning forward and placed his elbows on his knees. “How about this?”

* * *

A celebratory dinner was on order for both men after battling and winning the fight against Nancy, at least Bill thought so. “You know you’re the hero of this story.” Bill claimed as they sat at a table in a fancy Italian restaurant. Their table was in the far corner of the restaurant, most would consider it a bad table, but Bill appreciated the distance between them and everyone else. They could talk freely without worrying if anyone heard their conversation.

“How so?” Holden grabbed a piece of bread from the basket in the middle of the table. “I’m pretty sure this is your story.” He added before taking a bite of the bread. 

“Maybe it is my story, technically.” Bill gave in. “But you’re the one who saved the day.”

“So you were the damsel in distress?” Holden smirked as Bill rolled his eyes.

“I didn’t say that.” Bill mumbled and grabbed his wine glass. “I know I wouldn’t have been able to do this without you. I don’t think I could have been what you were to Nancy.”

“What? A complete asshole.” Holden chuckled.

“I was going to say stern.” Bill said and took a sip from his glass.

“I don’t know.” Holden shrugged. “She attacked your character. It just pissed me off. In hindsight, I realize I may have been too harsh.”

Bill hummed in response. “Pissed off is a good look on you. You don’t know how many times I wanted to kiss you during and after your rounds with Nancy.”

Holden smirked and leaned closer to Bill. “Maybe you can show me how badly you wanted to kiss me later.” Holden slid his hand onto Bill’s thigh and gave it a squeeze.

“Now, I don’t want to eat.” Bill mumbled and Holden couldn’t help the loud laugh that slipped from his lips, drawing a few brief stares from other tables. 

“I’ll stay quiet then.” Holden promised and Bill scoffed.

“I have a better chance at finding water in the desert.” Bill challenged.

Holden shook his head. “No, I can do it. Starting now.” Bill chuckled and shook his head.

Holden didn’t last long and was babbling as soon as the food was brought to the table. Bill decided not to make fun of him, but did point out that he was talking again. He received a scowl from his lover before they continued with their conversation. The couple ate their dinner and decided against dessert. Holden was too full and Bill just wanted to move on with the night.

The couple left the restaurant and Bill pulled out of the parking lot toward their destination. It didn’t take long for Holden to realize that Bill was not heading home. He asked about their final destination but Bill told him he’ll see in a few minutes. Holden watched the landscape change from the bright lights of downtown and large buildings to open land and nothing to block the stars in the sky. Bill took a sharp turn off the main road and drove until they reached the edge of a small place. “Do you remember this place?” Bill asked as he put the car in park.

Holden nodded. “Yeah. You bought dinner and we ate out here.” Holden smiled as the memories played through his mind. “You thanked me for helping you through the divorce, and then you told me how you really felt about me...what you wanted for us.” Holden then let out a chuckle. “I was so shocked that I stopped breathing and almost passed out.”

Bill laughed alongside Holden. “Don’t do that again. That actually frightened me.” 

“I make no promises.” Holden winked.

“Well, I want to thank you again for everything you did with Brian and Nancy.” Bill spoke sincerely. “You’re amazing...please don’t pass out.” He added and Holden laughed.

“It really was nothing.” Holden explained. “We’re a unit, we fight for each other and we love one another.”

“Come here.” Bill made a motion with his hand and Holden slid across the front seat to cuddle up next to him. Bill placed his fingers on Holden’s chin and turned his head so Bill could kiss him on the lips. The kiss was slow and soft, but each man could feel the passion and the want behind every movement of their lips.

“I got you something.” Bill mumbled against Holden’s lips. He had to break up this kiss before it got too out of hand for him to give his gift.

“You didn’t have to get me anything.” Holden claimed, slightly out of breath from the kiss.

“I know but I wanted to.” Bill started to reach into his inner blazer pocket. “Close your eyes and hold out your hand.”

Holden scoffed. “Really?”

“Do it, please.” Bill begged and Holden rolled his eyes, but complied. He closed his eyes and held out his right hand. A few seconds later, he felt Bill’s fist against his palm. He opened it slightly and Holden felt something hit his palm, “You can open them.” Bill said as he pulled his hand back.

Holden slowly opened his eyes and looked at his palm. His eyes widened slightly in surprise as he looked at the object in his hand. Bill got a simple silver ring. There were no diamonds, no jewels, no decorations or engravings. It was just a simple silver band of normal thickness. Despite its simplicity, Holden knew the important implications and complexities of Bill’s gift.

“I don’t know if it will ever be legal or official in society.” Bill scratched the back of his head, suddenly feeling awkward and nervous. “But I know that you’re it for me.” He explained. His hands started to shake and Bill squeezed them into a fist to stop the shakes. Why was he so nervous? Holden wasn’t going to throw the ring back in his face, right?

Holden let out a shaky breath, still looking at his palm. “Well, Bill Tench, you sure know how to take my breath away.” Holden joked causing Bill to laugh. “But…” Oh, here we go. “You don’t have one.”

Bill let out a sigh of relief before reaching into his pocket and pulling out an identical band. “Turns out, you have to buy both rings in the set.”

Holden picked up the ring from his palm and reached over to Bill’s hand, clinking the bands together like two champagne glasses. “You’re it for me too.” Holden repeated Bill’s words and slipped the ring on. Bill followed suit, slipping his own ring on.

“I love you.” Holden called out. Before Bill could say it back, the young man pulled him in for a kiss. This time it was rougher and more passionate, with Holden pushing his tongue into Bill’s mouth. Once Bill got over the initial shock of being caught off guard, he returned the kiss with equal passion and need.

Blazers were quickly pushed off and they expertly unbuttoned each others’ shirts. Bill tossed Holden’s shirt into the backseat while Holden slipped off his shoes. Holden reached over to unbutton Bill’s pants and pull down his zipper. Bill turned back to Holden so he could undo his belt and trousers. Holden raised his hips so Bill could shimmy the pants and underwear down his legs, leaving him naked. “Come here.” Bill grabbed at Holden’s hips and pulled him closer. Holden threw his leg over Bill’s lap to straddle him. “Ow!” Holden giggled when he hit his head on the car ceiling. 

“Careful.” Bill laughed as he pulled Holden in for another kiss. His hands slid across Holden’s hips to grab at his ass. 

“We haven’t done this in years.” Holden mumbled against Bill’s lips. “I’m rusty.” He joked between kisses.

“I’ll ease you back in.” Bill smirked. He leaned in to kiss along Holden’s neck as his hands grabbed at his lover’s ass. He pulled his cheeks apart and took one hand to tease Holden’s entrance. Holden’s breath hitched and he pushed back onto Bill’s fingers. 

“Wait…” Bill pulled back and leaned across the seat to open the glove box. It dropped open and Bill grabbed the small tube of Vaseline before slamming it shut.

“Such a Boy Scout.” Holden joked as he pushed Bill’s shirt off his shoulder. Bill took off his shirt before kissing Holden.

“I don’t think a Boy Scout would do this.” Bill leaned in to capture Holden’s lips again while he screwed off the top on the Vaseline. He squeezed some onto his fingers and then reached around to press his fingers to Holden’s entrance.

“Oh!” Holden moaned when Bill’s finger breached his entrance. Eyes fluttering close as Bill’s finger moved slowly inside of him. Bill soon added another finger inside of him and Holden gripped Bill’s shoulder’s tight as his fingers bumped into his prostate. “Oh, shit…” Holden moaned. He moved his hips to ride Bill’s fingers, pushing down to get them in as deep as possible. As he rode Bill’s fingers, he could feel Bill’s cock straining his underwear. Holden reached into Bill’s open pants and pulled out his hard cock, already leaking precum. “You want me to ride you?” Holden stroked Bill’s hard cock slowly, teasingly, while rocking on Bill’s fingers. 

Bill nodded eagerly at the question. “Yeah.” He breathed out and slowly pulled his fingers from Holden. He grabbed the Vaseline and squeezed more into his hand to rub onto his cock. “Get on it.” 

“Bossy.” Holden gave Bill a peck on the lips before raising his hips. Bill’s hands helped guide him so that his hole was sitting against the tip of Bill’s cock. Holden gripped Bill’s shoulder’s tight to steady himself as he lowered him, sinking down onto his lover’s cock. “Ah!” Holden moaned loudly when he bottomed out and all of Bill’s cock was inside of him. “Fuck! Why are you so big?” Holden moaned out as he rocked his hips back and forth. “Mm, I’ll never get used to it.”

“Is that a complaint?” Bill raised his hips, thrusting up to meet Holden as he slammed back down.

“Oh, God, no.” Holden bounced quicker, throwing his head back in pure bliss when Bill’s cock started hitting his prostate just right.

“God, you’re beautiful.” Bill leaned forward to attack Holden’s neck, leaving a trial of bite marks and saliva from open mouth neck kisses. Bill wrapped his arms around Holden and suddenly shifted the two. Holden let out a choked whine as Bill suddenly turned them, frowning when Bill’s cock slipped from him. Before he could say anything, he found himself lying on his back with Bill over him. He watched Bill pull his pants and underwear down before finding his place between Holden’s legs. Bill pressed his lips to his lover’s as he pushed inside of him again. 

“Oh, fuck.” Holden’s back arched and his stomach quivered as he felt Bill’s cock against his prostate. He wrapped his arms around Bill’s neck and held on as Bill snapped his hips harder and harder against him. Holden allowed Bill to throw one of his legs over Bill’s shoulder so Bill could get deeper inside of him. Holden thanked God for flexibility as Bill leaned down to kiss and hold him while his leg still dangled over Bill’s shoulder.

It was a good thing that they were in the middle of nowhere. If anyone stumbled upon them, they’d see the car rocking and the windows fogged up from their body heat. Their muffled moans spilled out of the car even though the doors were closed and the windows were shut tight. If you looked inside, you’d see Bill’s body covering Holden’s. Sweat dripped down his back and muscles flexing as he made love to his husband. Holden’s nails would run down Bill’s back, leaving scratches that didn’t seem to phase him.

“Gah, Bill…” Holden moaned. He could feel his orgasm on the rise. He wasn’t going to last much longer. “Close.” He warned and Bill began to fuck him faster. 

“Come on, baby.” He breathed out. 

Holden didn’t have to be told twice. A few more thrust and Holden was having, probably, the best orgasm ever. His toes curls, legs shook, and his back arched as he came untouched. “Bill.” He moaned as his cock twitched and covered his stomach with cum.

“God, Holden.” Bill moaned. He felt Holden clench around his cock as he orgasmed. Bill chased his own orgasm, thrusting into Holden at a ridiculous pace. His hips moved with rhythm as he tried to get deeper and deeper inside. Bill swore and buried his face in Holden’s neck. “Gonna cum.” He mumbled against Holden’s neck.

“Inside me.” Holden moaned out and sent Bill over the edge. His hips pressed forward, stilling inside Holden as his cock pumped rope after rope of cum inside of him. Bill hadn’t realized he bit Holden’s shoulder until a bit of the orgasm cloud faded and he found his teeth still wrapped around the joint. Bill licked across the bite mark before pulling back to admire his handy work. “Hey…” Bill shuddered when Holden suddenly clenched around his sensitive cock.

“Sorry, that wasn’t on purpose.” Holden apologized. “I can feel you still twitching inside me.” He added and tilted his head up to give Bill a quick kiss. Holden laid his head back on the seat and looked up at Bill, smiling up at him as Bill rubbed his thumb across the bite mark.

Holden bit his lip but could hold back his laughter as they laid there silently. Bill laughed at Holden while giving him a confused look. “What?”

“I just realized.” Holden started. “Your dick is inside me.”

Bill was still confused. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I just fucked you too.” 

Holden chuckled. “Yes, you did.” Holden nodded. “With a really hard cock. No wonder you came so much.” Holden winked. It took Bill a moment, but it finally dawned on him.

“Oh.” He got an erection. For the first time in what felt like a thousand years, he actually got hard enough to fuck his husband. Bill chuckled as he pressed his forehead to Holden’s. “It was pretty hard, huh?” He jokingly asked.

“It looks like all of your problems are solved.” Holden notes but Bill shook his head.

“Oh, no, my problem solver.” Bill smiled. “We’re going getting started.”

* * *

_A few months later_

“There’s a spot.” Holden pointed out and Bill quickly turned into the parking spot before someone snatched it up. Bill threw the car in park and let out a sigh. Tonight was Ted’s annual ‘suck-up-to-me’ party as Bill called it. All the executives from the Bureau would be there plus other outstanding special agents and Ted’s favorite pet project: The BSU.

“We don’t have to go in.” Bill started. “We can go home, make up an excuse.”

“And leave Wendy to fend for herself?” Holden chuckled. “She’d kill us.”

“Isn’t Gregg coming?” Bill asked and Holden gave him a ‘are you serious’ look.

“Like I said, she’d kill us.” Holden repeated. “Besides, didn’t you say something about us needing to schmooze for a bigger budget?” Holden asked and Bill hated it when his husband was right. “You’re worried about Brian, aren’t you?” Their teenager had moved to their home in May and this would be his first time left alone.

“I’m worried about my house being on fire.” Bill mumbled.

“We bought him food. There’s no reason for him to turn on the stove and start a fire.” Holden reasoned.

“See, you’re thinking like a logical adult.” Bill pointed out. “Brian is a teenager. They do stupid shit.”

Holden nodded. “Well, we can call him.” He offered. “And you can always use him as an excuse to leave early.” He added and leaned over. “Come here.” He muttered and gave Bill a brief kiss on the cheek. “He’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, alright.” Bill pocketed his keys. “Let’s get this over with.”

The couple finally got out of the car and headed inside. The party was just as stiff as it had always been. Old white men gathered around with scotch in hand reminiscing about the good ole days while their wives politely communicated with one another at the tables.

“Does your offer about leaving still stand?” Holden wondered as they walked into the room.

“Holden!” He looked over to see Ted approaching him with an older male right on his heels. “Holden, I’m glad you made it. Let me introduce you to someone.” Bill pointed to the bar and started toward it despite Holden’s wide eyed ‘please don’t leave me here by myself’ plea. 

Bill arrived at the bar and ordered a drink for himself and Holden. He looked around, scanning the bar for faces that he might know. He turned to his right to find a woman in a red cocktail dress and her hair pulled back into a low bun. When he focused a bit harder, he realized he knew the woman.

“Doc?” 

Nicole looked up and turned toward the voice. She smiled when she saw the owner. “Bill.” She exclaimed. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. This is an FBI party after all. How are you?”

“Good, Good. How about yourself?” He asked.

“I’m very well.” She answered. The bartender came back with both of their drinks. They thanked him before returning to their conversation. 

“Are you doing work for the FBI now?” Bill wondered. “God knows they need you.”

Nicole shook her head. “Thanks for the compliment, but no. I’m actually just here as a plus one.” Before she could explain further, Wendy seemed to appear from out of thin air and land at Nicole’s side. Bill saw Wendy’s hand dip behind her and press against Nicole's lower back.

“Here’s your drink.” Nicole handed Wendy a glass of wine and the other woman thanked her.

“I need this if I’m going to make it through the night.” Wendy admitted and took a gulp. “You found Bill.” Wendy smiled.

“More like he found me.” Nicole corrected her.

“I can’t believe you left me.” Holden complained, scoffing as he stomped over to Bill. He took his drink from Bill’s hands and took a large gulp of alcohol. “Some partner you are.” 

“Who did you get cornered by?” Wendy asked and Holden shrugged. 

“I honestly can’t remember his name. Ted introduced him.” Holden explained. When he saw the unknown woman standing next to Wendy, he cleared his throat and straightened up. “I’m sorry, that was rude of me. I’m Holden Ford.” He introduced himself.

“It’s fine. I’m Nicole Perry.”

“Doctor Nicole Perry?” Holden questioned, recognizing the name, and she nodded. “Oh...I’ve heard great things about you.”

Nicole smiled. “And I’ve heard great things about you too.” She winked at Bill before her mouth fell open as she came to realize something. “Oh, Model T...Ford. I get it. That’s very clever.” She nodded toward Bill.

“Wha-.”

“Oh, fuck, Ted is approaching with someone.” Wendy mumbled, looking over Holden’s shoulder to see Ted and a small group walking toward them.

“Look alive team.” Bill gulped down his drink. 

Holden leaned in closer to Bill. “You know, we should call and check on Brian.”

“I think you’re right.” Bill agreed.

“Oh, no.” Wendy ended that dream. “You’re not leaving me here by myself.” Wendy put her drink down. “We are a team. We suffer together.” She insisted. 

“I think we’re more of a...collection of individuals.” Holden reasoned and Wendy quickly responded to quietly argue with Holden.

Bill sighed. “If I have to deal with this, I’m going to need another session doc.” He said as he looked at Holden and Wendy.

“Whenever you want.” Nicole promised. 

“And maybe you can tell me what exactly you see in Carr.” Bill winked and Nicole laughed. 

“I think that’s a conversation to be had with beer, not in a doctor’s office.” She explained and Bill nodded. “And you can tell me more about Ford.” 

Bill nodded. “Set aside a few hours. There’s much to talk about.” 

Nicole nodded. “I’d love to hear you wax poetic as your son described.”

Bill chuckled before turning toward the approaching group. “Just call me Shakespeare...One half of me is yours, the other half yours...” He trailed off as he clasped Holden’s shoulder as he reached out with his other hand to offer handshakes to the group. He felt Holden’s hand reach behind and quickly tap him on the hip before focusing on the conversation. Bill smiled, distracted by the little love tap. He could only focus on Holden for the rest of the night. Bill couldn’t imagine focusing on anyone else if he tried. Holden did own his mind.

**Author's Note:**

> One half of me is yours, the other half yours—  
> Mine own, I would say; but if mine, then yours,  
> And so all yours.” (The Merchant of Venice, Act III, scene ii) This is what Bill begins to quote at the end.
> 
> Queenie.tumblr.com


End file.
